...

The morning pitches bright;
I stand over
watching over the rebirth of the day and time
watching silently ; I pause and try
to decipher meaning in this moment of simplicity
when all the world is at its primal eventuality
I stare and I hope I'll forget the past
but invariably;as always;it comes rushing back
throwing me into the void obfuscating
gapeless and obliviating

I step onto those broken shards of time
these hurt me ever more now;
and as always I wonder how;
when if I am free of all that stood against.
and when my time on this earth is over.
will I ever be whole??
unscathed unharmed untouched undisturbed
innocent calm untiring unperturbed

will my suffering ever end or will I just
keep up my smiles to the world

hollow these are;laughter and smile;
these are not me;
and I am not them;
these are just for the sake of the world
gain acceptance; appease friends
and so I do try to make amends

but then again I falter and show
my real self
to someone I know
and they have a fleeting glimpse
into the deepest recessses of my heart
every now and then
they come and say
"why don't you let all this out?"
I smile; the fake smile; and I try to show
It's not always what you are that holds
It's what you achieve in this short period of life that counts
It's not even your character that amounts
Itself; on everyone else
It's finally how you affected the world you lived

did you try your best to get someone to smile...
did you give your best to keep the life alive...


"you did all this and yet you suffered"
my friend; understand;now it hardly matters

"the shards still hurt you; I mean"
shards are built for hurting ;you see

"it's no use living in the past"
I know I know I knew it last;

"it's a blaze and it will consume you whole
...this pain will take its toll"

before they can speak I tell them this
it is the pain I felt that makes me as it is
I remeber how it hurt and I try and I try
never again should anyone cry
for the same reason for the same thing
this is not suffering 'tis a lesson
of life that I learnt
you are asking me to forget what I learnt
you are asking me to cover where it burnt

no my friend no no no
my life is an open book you know
my experiences are for everyone to share
my successes and failures and risks and dares

what use is life if it it's of use to noone
what is the use if we sit moping and sigh

my friend has no answer...
and when i think of it

neither do i...


the morning is now over
the time of rebirth has gone away.
I am me again
and I will stay this way.


-Samar