moments...

I have a heart shaped box.
It's empty now and full of nothing.
I have a little heart shaped box, I say
kept on the window sill of time
morose it looks all by its own
alone and pretty but still forlorn.

I have a beautiful picture
It reminds me of time that is gone
I have a beautiful crooked picture, they say
beauty lies in its simpleness
a simple painting with no color
of light strokes devoid of vigor.

I have an old book
It says 'come read me' now and then
I have an old tattered book, you say
it was a good read and still
I never read it again
and it calls me, its voice in pain.

I have so many things
I have so many things I say again
all neglected and forgotten pieces of past
jumbled up in the quagmire of memories
I gaze on them where they remain
wondering when I'll open them again.

The Non-Nerd Rules

The word "Nerd" has two meanings:

1.A socially inept person.

2.A single minded being dedicated to only one activity in life.


Every occurrence here belongs to the second category. That is persons dedicated to the sole act of studying and studying and studying and then...studying a bit more. These nerds affectionately called "maggus" here are a so called intelligentsia who prefers to devote their profound intellect to something as mundane as ... well ... you know.
And the worst part... they are proud of it.
I never say that Don't Study... I say... please do not become a socially inept person. A person who is so devoid of emotions when his ... you know... comes under purview ....and/or threat. A person who may just show you the door if you interfere when they are doing ...you know what. A person who may just giggle at your face when you try to ask some doubts just because he has already done it and thinks that s/he is superior now. A person who gets irritated just because you said ... "ooh ....this exam's gonna hurt". A person who is a full blown nerd.

This led me to categorize the people around us.
1. THE NERD ( The properties discussed above are applicable).

2. THE BENEVOLENT (These have some NERD properties but they help you out and never get irritated).

3. THE BONEHEAD (These don't know a thing, can't help you and never study).

4. THE PURE NON NERD (These study just when the time come).

There is a very subtle line of difference. The PURE NON NERD is not unintelligent...It's just that they don't like to exert it much.The PURE NON NERD depends on the BENEVOLENT most of the time as they share a symbiotic bond. The NERD and BONEHEAD have individualistic existence. Whereas the NERD has a territory defense mechanism; the BONEHEAD has a savage barbaristic appeal that defies all sense of understanding.

I was talking to a freind of mine (definitely PURE) Shrey when we suddenly had this idea to frame the rules of PURITY.
so here they are.

1. Thou shalt not mug.
2.Thou shalt not stepeth into the F 127th to study.
3.Thou shalt not study till the sems are a week awayeth.
4.Thou shalt not discuss the paper after coming out.
5.Thou shalt condemn the act of mugging widely, truly and as vehemently as you can at whatever time of the day.

This led to a discussion with my friend Palkush and we both agreed that there were very less PURE people... There are a LOT of NERDS and BONEHEADS and there is a fair amount of BENEVOLENT too ....but the PURE guys....are too rare. For eg. Excluding me and him only Shrey and my roomie Rohit manage to fit this bill.

My search is on.......

If there is someone who think they are PURE... think again... the Laws are too harsh.

A really nice poem that I came across....waqt nahin

हर खुशी है लोगों के दामन में ,
पर एक हँसी के लिए वक्त नहीं ।
दिन रात दौड़ती दुनिया में ,
जिंदगी के लिए ही वक्त नहीं ।

माँ की लोरी का एहसास तो है ,
पर माँ को माँ कहने का वक्त नहीं ।
सारे रिश्तों को तो हम मार चुके ,
अब उन्हें दफ़नाने का भी वक्त नहीं ।

सारे नाम मोबाइल में हैं ,
पर दोस्ती के लिए वक्त नहीं ।
गैरों की क्या बात करें ,
जब अपनों के लिए ही वक्त नहीं ।

आंखों में है नींद बड़ी ,
पर सोने का वक्त नहीं ।
दिल है घमों से भरा हुआ ,
पर रोने का भी वक्त नहीं ।

पैसों की दौड़ में ऐसे दौडे ,
की थकने का भी वक्त नहीं ।
पराये एहसासों की क्या कद्र करें ,
जब अपने सपनो के लिए ही वक्त नहीं ।

तू ही बता ऐ जिंदगी ,
इस जिंदगी का क्या होगा ,
की हर पल मरने वालों को ,
जीने के लिए भी वक्त नहीं ॥


Makes you think about the way our life goes about here.
How many times have I felt ...neglecting studies....neglecting friends...neglecting health...neglecting sports....neglecting parents...neglecting...life.

Falling.

Falling... Falling... my life flashing.

unseeming glimpses of my past.

I am falling backwards watching above.

from where I fell , aghast.

speechless I am my barren voice.

the visions slid by me , I

am but a morbid particle on the

highway of death and life.



I am falling alone here

but wait , there is something there,

something, no , someone falling with me,

hovering with me in the air.

I am ecstatic,finally

someone travelling my journey too,

she smiles back, looks at me ,

as if saying I love you.



If this was the journey of life,

I'd take the fall again.

not to have the visions and dreams,

not to suffer any pain.

but to spend some time with the lovely voice,

did I not tell you above?

If this is not then what it is

but pure free-falling in love?

A Nice Read

There are good writers and there are very good writers. But, Archer manages to surprise you by bettering them all. The book "A Prisoner of Birth" was perhaps the 16th book I read over the summer, but it was the only book that compelled me to write something about it.

To begin with I am now a sound believer that Archer's genius and the overawing finesse in his writing are something that I find unparalleled in many of his generation of writers. The plot which is a basic murder - legal - thriller tangle has been so orchestrated, that I found unable to put down the book even for a minute.

Archer's characteristic flamboyant pace and his expressive way of using words with unassuming ingenuity and a well - constructed climax has once again made me an ardent fan of his works. True, I had been more than a little disappointed with Cat 'O Nine Tales but this novel has surely redeemed Jeffrey Archer .

What to say of the man. While he remains till date one of the most well read writers of all time, He remains one of the most controversial person ever to be in the British Parliament. He has spent some time "inside" as I would like to say. But still he was awarded the title of "Baron" in 1992. This led a friend of mine who lives in the UK to remark on the intellectual honesty of the British people. She said to me "Look, this bugger was sent to the pen once. But , seeing his contribution to the field of Literature he was given this title...." . I replied " So what's so great about that?". She replied exasperatedly "Don't you see the good side of it...? The man spent some years in jail and yet he became a Baron... Isn't that remarkable? ". I could only say " In our country a person with a criminal record can become a minister, make laws, perform executive responsibilities and even become the President!!! So what's so great about our dear ol' Jeffrey....?"

She had no answer.

The unanswered question...

I heard a very moving story a few days back....
Unfortunately It's all true and as much I would have been pushed towards spamming-mail it I think this thing is not meant to be sent to the many anonymous people in my address book to be read and either pushed into the trash can or forwarded to all. Because I want this story to be read, and not merely read I want people to give me an honest opinion about what in reality makes a person? Is it good education or is it just the adversities he faces? Can really born in a privileged position be any help?

My story starts at a construction site in suburban Mumbai; A flyover was being constructed and a laborer's wife went the family way and our dear Kallu was born. Nothing unremarkable there. These sort of births take in India all the time. And most of them in much more appaling conditions then our dear Kallu here. He got his DDT shots in a nearby government clinic and maybe some kind of food from the local laborers. At the age of 3 and a half months his father died in an accident. Nothing remarkable here too; laborers die all the time all the place.

At the age of 4 Years his mother died of some unknown illness . Who knows what illness who has the money to go to a doctor in this country . His mother had been a God Fearing person and she hoped God would treat her . It seems that this family was one of the forsaken ones....

So we have this family again elder brother and sisters (2 of them) and one younger sister. After the death of the mother everything falls apart. As if disbanded from the army they all break up. Our Kallu is one of these left alone to forage on whatever he could find to eat, beg to have and fight to get.

At the age of 7 Kallu is a maverick of the streets . He is a shoeshine boy + a sweeper of the local train + a tea stall worker + a smalltime coolie.

If you go and have your shoe shined by him he charges 3 Rupees 50 paise for it. And if you decide to go easy on the 50 paise he says "Aye saa'b mere ko mera 50 paisa dedo". His arithmetic is flawless. He has his own place for sleeping inside a very large construction pipe; not very comfortable he accepts...but atleast it is his. Bought for that is... from a "seth". Ask him how much money he has and he tells you he has Three thousand eight hundred and fifty six rupees and twenty five paise. A total you can count and verify. He hides his money somewhere and he challenges "akhha mumbai mere paise nahin dhoondh sakti".

This guy does not have a bank account. This guy does not have a police record. This gut does not have a Birth certificate. This guy does not exist on paper. Never participated in a population census he tells me. What is this guy doing you may ask....

He survives.

Now tell me one thing ... what were we capable of at the age of 7?
We knew A-B-C thats for sure. and we knew a range of things like brushing our teeth and stuff. We knew if we cried really hard our parents would get anything for us.
We could not have demanded the 50 paise with so much conviction.
We would not survive 2 minutes in the same situation that Kallu presently lives.

Yes Yes... We are an educated lot. We studied in schools : there we learnt about science and history and geography, for God's sake!!! We were doing the "Good" stuff.

Think: Kallu did not have a formal education ; he did not have parents to guide him protect him. He was just a toddler thrown forcibly into this world to find his own path among the bushes. Who taught him? Nobody.

Adversities teach us better than schools then? Or do they?

You may argue that both the systems give rise to a very different individual. Catering to different needs of the society... but in the end... It's all about surviving out there. And Kallu's doing it from the age of 7. Just because we were lucky enough to be born in a well to do hospital than under a semi constructed flyover ; are we here where we are.

Think about it.

Looney toons and the need for some madness in Life

Just finished going through my entire collection of Looney toons......the entire 10 hrs of it.....Well, that is enough to make anyone see the lighter side of life...in my case, I tend to focus on the lighter side of life too often so this just pushes me over the brink of publically accepted standards into insanity.

One great thing about Looney toons is that its Timeless Appeal. no matter when you watch it or how many times you watch it it again presents itself with reinvigorating sense of light headedness , a bullish appeal to stay nonsensical and an overcoming zeal to be funny, funnier, funniest. One can never get tired watching it. The simple vagaries and varieties of life presented in a plethora of unusual and hysterically humorous situations.

The way the Gravity waits for the time for the Coyote to realize that he has made a mistake, the various actions Bugs does to show how a "Wabbit" acts, The sniffing spiffing spitting supreme Daffy Duck, the sweet Tweety Bird and " i think i thaw a puddy tat", T-th-the p-p-p-Porky P-P-P-Pig, The absolutely lightening Roadrunner, and the one and only ACME factory and its most generous User....Wile E.Coyote, The Mexican Crossborder Refugee...Speedy Gonzales, and the hopeless romantic Pepé Le Pew always constamment trouver l'amour, The fuddled brain of Elmer Fudd, and TAZ my personal Satan....the Tasmanian Devil.


Of these the one I like the most is Bugs Bunny......" Aeeeeyyy ....What's Up Doc?" and one of Groucho marx's most oft repeated line"Of course you realize...... this means War". The really excellent piece of work done by Mel Blanc and Friz Freleng had Bugs bunny take up the Star at Hollywood. His nonchalance and total nonsensical approach towards life is one that , maybe I think is required (of course in moderation )...... today.

These days our lives are too much bounded by time, career, and what not.... some moments of insanity will help bring back the asymmetry of life.

The Direct (Un)relation of Planning and Execution.

Here I am ..... finally back at home..... replenished, re-energized, rested, re-formulated, and reminded (what food is). Now comes the hard part.... what will I do? क्या करोगे आगे ???

I had planned many things before coming here.... just coming here and being at home is soooooo comfortable that we think "कौन जाए .... जबरन नींद हराम करे " So we sit and makhao.... This is exactly what I am tending to do this summer truthfully....makh fully.

Why does it always happen that the rate of your execution is inversely related to the square of the planning that you do. It happens all the time. We see numerous examples in history too.

During the Third Reich , Hitler had many elaborate plans (and elaborate here is an elaborate understatement)....All came to a naught.

So was the thinking of Edward "Longshanks" that led William Wallace to have so much success in his initial endeavors.


So the fact is. Lots of planning took us nowhere. Lots and Lots of planning looks good.... but only on paper. sometimes we just need to grit our teeth and DO IT.

Like I just did away my mustache....Just DID it... When I was planning it did not happen.... When I decided to do it ...I did It. Although now I look like a gunda without a mooch which is all the more insulting .... but heck!.... this is just an example over the direct unrelation of planning and result(Although it would be noticeable here to mention my brothers and sisters . till this day, refuse to recognize me.... I am having my DNA test done.... will tell you all about it when we meet....remind me)

So my plans as of now now are ...as my camera is repaired I am off to take pics and stuff.... the one thing I truly enjoy....

I leave here with pics I took recently in Mumbai....Happy Hols!!!

What????

Where I am?
Am I lost?
Where to find the answers?
Where to get over the mistrust?
Where to do when you get there?
Where to go when you feel?
How to speak up face to face?
Why do I still conceal?
Where to hide my face then?
Where to NOT show my shame?
Where to find solace perhaps?
Where to put all the blame?
Why do this happens?
Why does it happen again?
How does this thing go wrong?
Why am I always in vain?
How do I find the precious?
How do I avoid the strife?
Why do I lie again?
How do I live the life?
What is this going to be like...
When this goes on and on again...
Will I even recognise myself...
When I come from the other end of the game.

Chaos...
Like Oil flows into Water...
The medley is quite a sight

Derangement...
Like Flowers smile in the light...
But Somehow...something's not right..

Confusion...
Bit of like a steal of rays...
In the morning ; but it is still night...

Turmoil...
Standing near the edge of yourself
The ripples; they dance and shine bright...


What did I just write?????????????

An excellent composition

I was watching V for Vendetta this veekend and had the luck to come acoss one of the most brilliantly written pieces of dialogue I have ever come across..

Given here is the Introduction of V(the main protagonist) to Evey (the main heroine):-

V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V!


Evey: Are you like a crazy person?

Vell vhat to say.... VOW!!!

Psychology of Decision....

What is a decision?

It is the logical answer to an query put by your active mind to your passive mind...
We all experience and know that our executive and the logical parts are two almost tangibly separate parts of our nervous system. Also these two parts take input from another parts of our psych. That is Physical Input(Conditions), Mental Input(Feeling), Psychological Input(Instinct), A Random Input(Luck), and a Heuristic Input (Experience). (At this point it is wondrous indeed to see.... so many inputs all condenses to give a right decision...The brain is indeed a wondrous piece of machinery)

So... Whenever we are confronted with a situation , a very complex neurochemical process initiates.
Our body tenses up.Even if we don't know.The brain searches for previous occurrences of the incident.We try to see some sense and act on intuition and of course ....luck .... is also a random function of the brain.
The Order of Preference of this working is:- Physical,Mental,Heuristic,then Psychological and Random.

How to make the right decision?

There is no Golden rule for making good decision rather it is the very opposite of making good decision that will help you being a better decision maker. If you make bad decision the full extent of your actions are beared by you. You alone bear the full brunt of the force. So that is why we see the children who are spoon fed all there life , rarely turn out to be good decision makers in their adult life. Remember...Experiences have the 3rd most priority in your decision making...

Don't shy away from making decisions. You are merely incapabling yourself to be a better decision maker.......experiences good or bad teach you.....Rather I'd say bad experiences teach you more.....

4 months without a break in KGP......

Dear Diary,

I have been living here for 4 months now.

It's ok at first , but nearing the dying moments it really starts to get very frustating....or frussst as we'd call it. Never before had i enjoyed so much in a single place, never before had I such good friends, never before was my life so eventful, but never before had I gotten to hate a place so much.

This place can grow on you..and suddenly when you think you are a part of the system.....Ka-boom
.... and all that you were thinking is suddenly ...gone.

I think it is more because of the maggu culture that sort of permeates out through the walls of the institute.... If you are not a maggu .....thou shalt not survive tha onslaught of tests and practicals and labs and what not. I am of course proud to NOT be a maggu ...... isliye I suffer.

I know I know.... I'll miss this place like hell in the summer hols..... But, human are very unsatisfied organisms.... In summers they say there is too much heat.....In winters too much cold....

There is no spring good enough for humans.

The weather here is unbearable sometimes though it gets nicer in the evenings...

Right now, I am sweating head to toe.

Yours perspiringly.
Sam

...

The morning pitches bright;
I stand over
watching over the rebirth of the day and time
watching silently ; I pause and try
to decipher meaning in this moment of simplicity
when all the world is at its primal eventuality
I stare and I hope I'll forget the past
but invariably;as always;it comes rushing back
throwing me into the void obfuscating
gapeless and obliviating

I step onto those broken shards of time
these hurt me ever more now;
and as always I wonder how;
when if I am free of all that stood against.
and when my time on this earth is over.
will I ever be whole??
unscathed unharmed untouched undisturbed
innocent calm untiring unperturbed

will my suffering ever end or will I just
keep up my smiles to the world

hollow these are;laughter and smile;
these are not me;
and I am not them;
these are just for the sake of the world
gain acceptance; appease friends
and so I do try to make amends

but then again I falter and show
my real self
to someone I know
and they have a fleeting glimpse
into the deepest recessses of my heart
every now and then
they come and say
"why don't you let all this out?"
I smile; the fake smile; and I try to show
It's not always what you are that holds
It's what you achieve in this short period of life that counts
It's not even your character that amounts
Itself; on everyone else
It's finally how you affected the world you lived

did you try your best to get someone to smile...
did you give your best to keep the life alive...


"you did all this and yet you suffered"
my friend; understand;now it hardly matters

"the shards still hurt you; I mean"
shards are built for hurting ;you see

"it's no use living in the past"
I know I know I knew it last;

"it's a blaze and it will consume you whole
...this pain will take its toll"

before they can speak I tell them this
it is the pain I felt that makes me as it is
I remeber how it hurt and I try and I try
never again should anyone cry
for the same reason for the same thing
this is not suffering 'tis a lesson
of life that I learnt
you are asking me to forget what I learnt
you are asking me to cover where it burnt

no my friend no no no
my life is an open book you know
my experiences are for everyone to share
my successes and failures and risks and dares

what use is life if it it's of use to noone
what is the use if we sit moping and sigh

my friend has no answer...
and when i think of it

neither do i...


the morning is now over
the time of rebirth has gone away.
I am me again
and I will stay this way.


-Samar

An Abstract Poem...

Tear me oh Brother from this torrid sky.

Where these rays burn upon me I don't know why.

Tear me oh Sister from this fledgling boughs.

Who restrain me and put be back; ever and now.

Tear me oh Friend from this lake of doom.

I am drowning; don't make let it be my tomb.

Tear me oh Love from these stakes of desires.

Where my sanity is lost;my heart is on fire.

Tear me, oh Anger from these frigid pools of Ice.

It is only your heat that will melt my gneiss.

Tear me oh Fear from these seals of surety.

I have become peaceable to the limts of obscurity.

Tear me oh Myself from the chains I wrought.

The pain was bought but the suffering was not.

Tear me, oh Tear me, just Tear me away.

So I may once again just wander astray.

My Soul....

This Poem I wrote in two minutes when my dear friend DP Ankit and me were getting frussst in our dear HS teacher's class............ yo ..


My soul yearns to fly;
High high in the sky.

Like a kite colorful and bright,
Flowing away in the abyss of light.

Like an eagle; sharp and loud
Piercing the bosom of clouds.

Even I'd be a storm tossed leaf
Hither tither as the wind please.

But I am tethered to the ground
Just like a moss covered stone.

Just stranded never abound
Stationary,cold,abrupt,alone;

How would I even love to fall
Watch my weariness fall away!!!

My feet just kissing the ground
While the world just; falls away.

My soul yearns to fly
High high in the sky.

Of Holi....in KGP

(clockwise from anywhere) me,Ankit,Aditya,Rahul,Varun,Girish Shrey Palkush ,Shubhanshu...

For the first time ever did I celebrate holi without family. It was an altogether different experience...and a thoroughly enjoyable one at that.

Firstly there are two holis in kgp.one for the bengalis and the rest for the rest of the world.....

Obviously with the rest of the world I celebrated it after the bengalis....

Firstly I had never celebrated holi with friends so it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. We had a great time and we looked like bastiwallahs after the celebrations were over. One out of traditional setting tradition here is to tear the clothes of the people when holi is played. I must admit I was unprepared for that. but needless to say people do what they want to do ....there is no stopping them.

So my t shirt was ripped too.and there I stood shivering half naked and looking like a chambal ka daaku . Though that t-shirt was given to me free by courtesy of barcamp(yo e-cell!), but still....

Now a Friend of mine(Pahun) wanted bhaang at all costs. he was really pining for it. It was a good thing that our warden banned it or else there would have been a lot more abusing and stuff today. which rather in my opinion dampens the festive mood. Lastly we had a Group pic....where we all junglee people just lay down and had our pic taken by Rahul's 5 mega pixel camera(yo Rahul) We also took indiv shots in Dara Singh Poses.

Needless to say I enjoyed every small part of it and I hope my next 4 Holis are as Enjoyable.

Counter Strike and the conversations relating to it....

One thing good that happens out of Counter Strike is you get to know a lot of people...When you kill them on Counter Strike(It is becoming a bit tiresome now, I'll say cs)or they kill you there is a multitude of feeling...YesYesYES!!! I killed XXXXXX....

And it so often happens that there cs nicks are more often the name we know them... and as the friends from cs become friends at cs first, they like to refer you from your nicks.

There are different varieties of your obsession with cs... Initiate, Beginner, Amateur,Novice, Advanced, Insane, Insanely Insane and No Life.

Of the following degrees of cs-madness most of the people exist at Advanced to Insane(here I do not want to talk about the other two stages , as they might be censored keeping in mind reader discretion)... Example of peoples' conversation at Advanced Level:

1.
sKiLLeR: Abey who's that?
monstermind.com: Arey us key saath hi to khel rahe they....astatine....
sKiLLeR: But What is his real name?
monstermind.com:(shrugs)

2.
sKiLLeR: hi yaar abhishek kya haal chaal?
satanic_slayer: kuch nahin yaar bahut der cs khelta raha ....4 baje tak....
sKiLLeR: main bhi....kis nick sey khelta hai?
satanic_slayer: satanic slayer.
sKiLLeR: achaa WOH tu tha ....mast yaar ....mein tha skiller.
satanic_slayer: Achaa woh TU tha....ohk ohk.

3.
Time: Saala kal sniping mein bahut mazaa aaya.
rdx_ace: Saale camp kar raha tha tu...aur tera kills to death ratio bhi 1 thaa.
Time: naahiin bey ...tera kya tha?
rdx_ace: 25:12
Time: Saahii

4.
jackass: Saale kutte kamine haraami meethe gujju , aaya nahin "A" par.
hahaha: Chup kar bey ...mein yahaan pinned down tha.
jackass: ek aur seond and I would have put the bomb...
hahaha:Chal chchod ....yeh bata ki cs tournament key liye kya strategy le raha hai.
jackass: If we go for de_dust2 we will not take short "a" but will take long "a"
hahaha:theek hai patli nahin lenge...
jackass: and we will attack from behind the place of ct spawn...ok?
hahaha:mast hai and I thought storm karengey.
(at this point anothere person enters the room)
Michael Myres: hi friends.
jackass: saale kutte ...fragger...aaj do baar peeche sey shoot kiya tune mujhe.
Michael Myres: nahin nahin...woh reflexively kiya...not deliberately.
jackass:arey apne team waale ko to chchod diya kar.'

I know most of the readers here as are unaware of the following conversation as was Columbus when he first landed in "India".

Conversations while playing the game(this is actually the script which we can obtain which contain the records of each conversation and action)


rdx_ace: Go Go Go!
sKiLLeR: bomb at a
monstermind.com:Roger That.

hahaha headshot rdx_ace with bullpup.
monstermind.com killed jackass with m4a1.

sKiLLeR: a par aao saalon

(after some time)

sKiLLeR:a a a a a

hahaha headshot sKiLLeR with bullpup

*DEAD*sKiLLer: bb

hahaha:11




(to explain the following statements I'll give certain comments:-)

rdx_ace: Go Go Go! primal call to war(pretty understandable)
sKiLLeR: bomb at a informing the group that the said bomb is at a
monstermind.com:Roger That. acknowledging

hahaha headshot rdx_ace with bullpup. peace???
monstermind.com killed jackass with m4a1. aa hi gaya hoga.

sKiLLeR: a par aao saalon rebuking the team members to come at pt or area a

tum ti dii ti dum

sKiLLeR:a a a a a calling all team to A

hahaha headshot sKiLLeR with bullpup pretty much ovvious

*DEAD*sKiLLer: bb voice from the dead; bb stands for bhak b*****.

hahaha:11 age of empires taunt for ooooohhhhh... although it can depict the finger too.



You start to realise you have taken things a bit tooo far when:-

1. all your conversations start with a "y".

2.When you throw stuff at friends you aim for the head.

3.You cannot remain still.

4. When walking inside the insti , you try to take cover every few metres.

5.When people know you more by your nick than your real name.

6. While doing ED, you change rapidly from 2H to H pencil (instantaneously).

7.When your imagination is only limited to the First Person view.

8. When you start to complain that there is no crosshair in your vision.

9. When your girlfriend calls you by your cs nick.

10. When your favourite lines are "All's fair in war".

11. When the worst anyone can abuse you is call you a Camper.


chalo I gotta go snipe...

किस ओर ?

An oddly depressing poem came to my mind yesterday:-

मेरी ऐसी ही कुछ दुविधा में था मन ,
की किस ओर चला हूँ मैं ।
नामवरी में फंसा यह जीवन ,
कब तक यूं जी पाऊंगा मैं ।

मेरे विचलित इस मन में,
तब यह बात थी आनी
कितना भी ऊंचा हो जाए तरु
जीने के लिए उसे चाहिए पानी ।

जब जीवन में लक्ष्य ना हो
तो वो जीवन व्यर्थ है
अगर कुछ चाहिए ही नहीं अभिप्राय को तेरे
तो तेरा अस्तित्व असमर्थ है ।

अपने जीवन के पानी कि तलाश में
निकल पड़ा था मैं व्याकुल
और उस कुम्हलती शाम के बाद
मिला नहीं उत्तर अनुकूल ।

ढूंढना था मुझे वह अमृत
जो मेरे जीवन मैं नहीं था
ढूंढना था वह संतुलन
जो रह के भी नहीं था ।

फिर अचानक उसी ढूंढ में
मिला एक जोगी मेरी राह में
देख कि वह भी था पथ ढूंढता
मैं पहुँचा उसकी निगाह में ।

मेरी समस्या थी कठिन
यह बात समझ गए थे वह
भला ऐसा कोई इंसान होता है
जिसे ना पता क्या चाहता वो ?

मेरी मनस का यह तूफान
धीरे धीरे धधक रहा था
और कहीं छुपा मेरा असली रूप
मंद ही मंद सिसक रहा था ।


जोगी भी परेशान उठा
और कुछ वो भी बोखलाया
फ़िर मुझे एक जगह बिठा
उसने मुझे धैर्य दिलाया ।

पर मन और सागर में
होती है एक चीज़ समान
कोई रोक नहीं पाता दोनों को
होता है उनमें इतना अभिमान ।

उसके लाख समझाने से भी
प्यास मेरी ना बुझती थी
मेरे को हर पल बस
मेरी अपूर्णता दिखती थी ।.

भाग खड़ा में वहाँ से फिर
एक अँधा काला सा प्राणी
अब कोई न जवाब दे पाया मेरा
तब बुरी लगी मुझे सबकी वाणी ।

इसलिए आज भी में कहता हूँ
अपने मन कि गहराई को जानो
दिल में क्या तेरे अनबन,
इनको तुम निस्संन्देह पहचानो ।

जान लो ख़ुद को जानना
ही है सबसे अनमोल वर
और अपनी सरगम पहचानना हि
है पाना वोह बहुमूल्य स्वर

वरन मेरी तरह, कुछ युं ही
हाल तुम्हारा भी होएगा
और फिर कुछ मेरी तरह तू भी
हंस हंसकर भी रोएगा ।

Of the dawn...

When the dew drops shine as white pearls;
and the mist starts to rise in swirls;
When the early bird gets the worm;
When the wind blows gently on the berm;
When the darkness strives, but the light wins;
That is when the day begins.
When the rousing of household finally starts;
When their is a feeling of warmth in every heart;
When the cold is dispelled and warmth starts to grow;
When the sun peeks from the top of hedgerow;
When the deep blue sky finally blushes to pink;
That is when the day begins.
When the cool air freshens the mind and soul;
When life begins anew as a whole;
When the dread of the night does depart;
When the countryside looks like a work of art;
When the little child wakes up and blinks;
That is when the day begins.

Ever seen the faces of the children of the streets?
Those filthy, dirty dregs of deprivation
Living under the bare sky on the bare ground
Fighting dogs of poverty and wolves of starvation.

Ever seen the faces of children begging in the market?
Maybe you have never felt their pain
asking over and over for a paisa, a coin
Rejected again.... Dejected again.

Ever seen the kids eating out of the trash?
they squabble over the tiny last scrap
they celebrate their 'discovery' with joy
Licking and sucking on the wrap.

Ever seen the woman cling to the sick baby?
have you ever seen the helplessness and her fears
for the piece of her flesh she loves and cares
now she has naught for him, than tears.

Ever seen the old man white with age?
I wonder where the son left his old man
to die, I am sure, and he hasn't still
pottering about with his shaky hands.

Ever seen Poverty from close
where you can really smell what it thinks
Ever thought what it might
be thinking about where it lies curled
Or have you only thought about how bad it looks, and stinks
and turned your face like the rest of the world....

Bachpan

Mujhe aaj bhi yaad aati hai; Jab bhi maa mujhe bulati hai; Uski aawaaz mujhko lekar jati hai; Aur bachpan key din ki yaad dilaati hai

Kya mukt hawa ki tareh hum jaatey; School ground mein plane udaatey; Zindagi ujjwal jaise darpan; Aisa anmol hi tha apna bachpan

Phir teacher ki daant khakey hum ; darey dubkey sehmey sey hum; chupchaap apni class mein jaate; aur kuch der mein sab bhool jaatey

phir ghar jaldi pahunchney ki lagti hod; ruktey nahin kisi gali kisi mod; sirf bhaagtey bhaagtey ghar ko jaatey; Aur is meethi jeet ka jashn manaatey

Itna nirmal aur anupam ; Aisa anmol hi tha apna bachpan ;Woh jangli phoolon ki phulwaari;
mano dekh hamko phir muskurayee

Aur phir bhag bhag kar bhusidar pakadna; mano dharti ka safaltam karya karna; Aur gandey naale mein bhi dhoondhtey they akarshan; Aisa Anmol hi tha apna Bachpan

pavitr nirdoshta aaj bhi woh; kahin shayad chipi ho; Par aaj kuch haasil karke bhi; man tript nahin santusht nahin

Maano umar key umdey saagar mein; dab gayi kuch komal koplein; Aur naam kamaney ki is jang meinkahin; Sab dhunndhlaa gaya ab aur nahin

Aur laga sochne phir udaaseen man ;Kya yun anmol tha apna Bachpan ????

Of Something...

I live on the Earth ; the place I live
is filled with tyrants and talkers glib.

They talk abundantly about times to come
Whilst all the work done becomes undone.

They talk about the sun , and the moons and stars
and the glorious battles and the various wars.

And they talk about work to do
of rebuilding the said homes left crude.

Hypocrites; Vultures and similar scum
sitting , gloating, at humanity's helm

While the Rest do their best to find
some food, some rest and peace of mind.

You know what I think when I see what we are
When I see these atrocities by and far,

The seemingly simple thought crosses my mind
Do you know where I live ; where all kind eats its kind

And the very carrion eaters that dwell
are the rulers of us and well

We are but the miserable prey
Cursed to be hunted and they

Know the sword of oppression has and will
overcome all strength and valour and skill

Of all the wars the warriors die in gallantry
At the end of the campaign, its the King's victory

At the end the public claps and cheers
for "the King was masterful in battle O hear!"

How sorry the bodies lay in the dust prone
at the mercy of the elements and toiler drone;

But no ; "How much the king sacrificed and lost"
While the gridiron fields get covered in frost

Oh how much lies and how much fallacy
Oh how much deceit and how much treachery

And so I wonder is here where we stay
destined to ,like always, fade away

How I wish to sprout some wings ,
and to fly where the free wind sings.

Where man is really free as he thought
and where goop and bigotry comes to a naught.

And so do I wish to fill this void,
Utopia you may call it, I like Paradise.

And seeking now the said Land, is all I dream
And though futile this task of mine might seem

I promise, oh I do, I will find it where
it lies; and then, only there

Shall my mind find the rest it seek-ed
where men will be brave no head will be meek

And the freeness of thought shall flow like the river
Shining as hope , as joy in every sliver

Where equality and love will have no dearth
And that ,my friends, shall be renamed Earth.

And that, my friends, shall be renamed Earth.

-Sam

Of Anshu...

I know this is probably too late to write something...anything. But, I cannot really do something about it. Please do not take it as eulogy because it is not.

You probably knew Anshu Gupta , or you probably didn't ...but now you won't.

Let me begin. I knew Anshu from class 10th but we became good friends from class 11th when he came to my class. Bright,Cheerful,Crazy like the rest of us, I immediately took a liking to him. to say the least, he was an excellent right-winger,amazing batsman and bowler, supreme maths god, and an honest person and a rare friend. He had one dream he wanted to be in IIT thats all he ever wanted.

I remember asking him once "kya yaar, agar iit mei nahin hua to?" he replied " agley saal try karunga" "aur phir agar phir sey nahin hua?" he replied" Doosri baar mein to koi bhi nikaal lega, yaar!!"

I still remember the day when he first fainted...on the football field. I used to brag proudly that it was I who had tackled him just before that... The words keep coming back to haunt me and I am at a loss to explain how ashamed I feel about myself.

I remember the time we all went to Campion school for our Brilliant Tests and the football matches during the lunch time. I remember the fights and the discussions regarding football and practically everything. I remember his most oft-repeated line "Meoanna??", the tunes of "Roobaroo"the Rang Dey Basanti song(his favorite),I remeber the celebration when we all found out we were all going to be in Kgp. I keep remembereing and the memories keep coming...they are rich in detail and almost make us forget the loss.

Anshu collapsed on the cricket fields in his NSS camp. I remember the day as never before now. The frantic phone calls from friends , the running to B.C.Roy and trying to get things done,watching him being carried inside, talking to his father...; and then hearing the news from the OT.
Have you ever have had a cracker explode too near your ear?? The whole inside of your brain goes numb and there is a strange silence among the chaos. Like armageddon all around you. Like a spear that has been thrust so fast that the pain is still to come. Like ice and fire.

I know my pain is nothing as compared to what his family and relatives may have felt. Maybe I had not even felt a fraction of there suffering. I know this... that was the day I lost a very good friend. A friend I would have had for life. A friend I would have gladly been there for.

Often, in times of despair, the thought occurs...could I have done something to save him...I ask and I ask...but there is no answer. Could he have done something to save himself...again there is Silence.

May the Almighty give Peace to his soul.
May the Almighty give peace and Solace to his family.
May the Almighty give me and my friends strength to bear this incredible loss.
Amen

Of Robotix and the Most Memorable Time of My Life.

I do not know whether I should say anything at this juncture, but I would just like to give an account of my brief relation with Robotix....

When first Gaurav(B) said that " we are a family......you will understand it later....." . I really did not know what to think or respond, particularly because the heads seemed too distant and co-ordinators were , well, near godlike. I was really afraid of Sassy that time(which I am a little now even!)

But during the event these differences just seem to melt away.... and I got to know the seniors better;all the heads , coordinators and the super coordinators. Being on the Robotix Help Desk also was a challenge, which I hope I took head-on.

Also I observed a very amazing fact , that as long the co-ordinators were with us , we had this inner reassurance that nothing could go wrong . I guess this comes with experience; I endeavor to reach this level one day.

The continuing echoes from the mind forcing you to sleep, to sleep on the Vikramshila seat cutting wires, to watch a teammate dream of flowers,to explain the people that ktj events info was to be found inside the Colosseum, to be nicknamed "Dog-Lover", to explain the intricacies of Terra Ranger and Stackistics along with Nightshift and Overnite..............when hunger and thirst give way to sheer excitement and accomplishment of finishing an event, from Shantanu to Patel
to TRS and back again, to announce stuff inside the ktj control tent............. all these are the memories that will remain etched in my memory for ever.

As far as "Jhaad" is concerned I totally think that we deserved it ......as we are not the right people to judge our own effort. It's people who have been there , done that that can give a straight idea of what we lacked.Maybe we all got too critical after the day was over.

Now I truly understand what being in a family meant....I now realize the depth in those words.

Even if I "makhaoed" in this event... I daresay I'll strive to redouble my efforts as i go along and may you see me with redoubled vigour and zeal in Robotix 09

As Al Bernstein once said : "Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction."

Thank You

ROBOTIX ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sam "the Dog Lover"